The conversations that happen around food in a high school athlete’s home have an outsized effect on how that athlete thinks about food, their body, and their relationship with eating — effects that often extend well beyond the high school years. Parents who want to support their athlete’s performance and health are working with genuinely good intentions. The challenge is that some of the most common and well-meaning things parents say about food and body can inadvertently create the exact problems they’re trying to prevent.
This isn’t a guide to perfect parenting. It’s a practical, clinically informed resource for parents who want to support their high school athlete’s nutrition in a way that actually helps — one that acknowledges the real pressures athletes face, the specific risks of the high school sport environment, and the research on what kinds of conversations around food support healthy outcomes versus undermine them.
Why This Conversation Matters More in High School Than Any Other Time
High school is the developmental window during which eating disorder patterns most commonly begin. Research consistently places the onset of most eating disorders in adolescence and young adulthood, and the high school athletic environment is a specific high-risk context — combining the developmental vulnerability of adolescence with sport-specific pressures around weight, body composition, and the relationship between eating and performance.
One-third of Division I collegiate athletes report beliefs and behaviors placing them at elevated risk for eating disorders. Those patterns almost always started in high school. The comments from coaches, the culture of specific sports, the social media environment, and — critically — the conversations at home around food and body shape what a young athlete believes about themselves and eating during the years when those beliefs are being formed.
Parents occupy a unique position in this picture. A coach’s comment about body weight lands differently coming from an authority figure in the athletic context. A peer’s comment reflects social comparison. A parent’s comment about a teenager’s eating or body comes from the person the athlete trusts most and seeks acceptance from — which gives it more weight than almost any other source, in both directions.
What Not to Say — And Why
Understanding what to avoid is as important as knowing what helps, because the most common harmful patterns in parent-athlete food conversations are well-intentioned.
Comments about body weight or body composition, positive or negative. “You’re looking lean” feels like a compliment and registers in a developing athlete’s brain as confirmation that their body shape is something others evaluate and value. “You should watch what you’re eating” feels like guidance and registers as the message that their body is a problem to be managed. Neither moves the athlete toward a healthy relationship with food. Both communicate that body size and shape is something to be attended to and that the parent is attending to it — which is the wrong message regardless of whether the comment was framed positively or negatively.
Comparisons to teammates or other athletes. “Look how lean she is and she still runs well” or “your teammate eats so clean, maybe you should try that” introduces external social comparison around body and food at a developmental stage when young athletes are already navigating enormous pressure in this area. It also implicitly communicates that the athlete’s body or eating is inadequate by comparison.
Praise for restriction or restraint. “Good for you for skipping dessert” or “I’m proud of you for not eating the bread” teaches an athlete to associate food restriction with parental approval. For an athlete already under cultural pressure to control their eating for performance, this reinforcement can tip behaviors that are already on the edge of problematic into the territory of clinical concern.
Linking food to exercise or performance in a punitive direction. “You didn’t train today so you probably shouldn’t eat as much” teaches an athlete that food must be earned through physical output — one of the most foundational beliefs underlying disordered eating patterns. Eating is not a reward for exercise. It is fuel for a developing human body that requires it regardless of whether training happened that day.
Expressing your own complicated relationship with food in front of your athlete. Parents who openly discuss their own diets, count calories at the dinner table, make frequent negative comments about their own body, or treat certain foods as off-limits communicate to their athlete that this is what a normal relationship with food looks like. Adolescents are particularly attuned to and influenced by parental modeling — especially when it comes from the parent of the same gender.
What to Say Instead
Talk about food as fuel in a performance context. “You’ve got a hard practice tomorrow — let’s make sure you’re eating enough tonight” frames food as a performance tool rather than a weight management variable. “What did you eat before your race? Was your energy good?” opens a conversation about fueling effectiveness without attaching any judgment to body or weight. These conversations teach athletes to think about food in relation to what their body needs to perform — which is exactly the orientation that supports both performance and a healthy relationship with food.
Normalize eating enough — including foods that aren’t “perfect.” Athletes in heavy training need a lot of food, including carbohydrate-rich foods, calorie-dense foods, and foods that diet culture would label as indulgences. A parent who makes those foods available, eats them comfortably themselves, and doesn’t comment on an athlete eating a large portion after a hard practice sends the message that eating enough is normal and expected. This is one of the most protective things a parent can do.
Focus on how food makes the body feel and perform rather than how it affects appearance. “You mentioned you felt really strong in the second half of that race — you had a great dinner the night before” connects nutrition to performance outcomes. “Did you feel like you had enough energy today?” invites the athlete to develop internal awareness of hunger and energy rather than external monitoring of intake and appearance.
Create a non-judgmental environment around all foods. Homes where certain foods are labeled bad, forbidden, or shameful produce adolescents who are more, not less, likely to eat those foods compulsively when given the opportunity. The research on dietary restriction and disinhibited eating is consistent: removing moral weight from food reduces its psychological pull. A teenager who grows up in a home where all foods are treated normally has a considerably lower risk of developing the binge-restrict cycle than one who grew up with a long list of foods that required willpower to avoid.
Ask about energy and performance rather than weight. “How are your energy levels during practice?” and “Are you recovering well between training days?” invite the athlete to evaluate their nutrition in terms of how their body is functioning rather than how it looks. These questions also create an opening for the athlete to communicate if something feels off — if they’re consistently fatigued, not recovering well, or struggling with energy — without that conversation having to be framed around weight or eating specifically.
Specific Situations Worth Knowing How to Handle
A coach comments on your athlete’s body or suggests weight loss. This is a situation that warrants a direct conversation with the coach and, depending on severity, with the school’s athletic department. Coaches are not qualified to give dietary or weight management advice, and comments about a young athlete’s body from a coaching authority are a known risk factor for eating disorder development. Parents who minimize or rationalize this type of comment — “they’re just trying to help,” “it’s part of the sport” — are communicating to their athlete that the comment was appropriate, which it isn’t.
Your athlete is restricting food, skipping meals, or expressing significant anxiety about eating. These are signs that warrant taking seriously and acting on promptly rather than waiting to see if they resolve. A conversation with a sports dietitian and potentially a therapist who works with adolescents and eating disorders is the right response — not increased parental monitoring of eating, which tends to make the situation worse by increasing food-related anxiety and reducing the athlete’s sense of autonomy and safety around eating.
Your athlete is eating very large amounts and you’re not sure if it’s normal. High school athletes in heavy training need significantly more food than non-athlete peers, and the amounts can look alarming to parents who are calibrating against adult sedentary norms. Before expressing concern about how much an athlete is eating, consider whether they are in a period of heavy training and growth, and consult with a sports dietitian rather than commenting to the athlete. The more common problem in high school athletes is eating too little, not too much.
Your athlete is comparing their body to teammates or expressing body dissatisfaction. This is an opening for a conversation about what bodies are for — what theirs specifically has been able to do in training and competition — rather than a conversation about appearance. Avoid agreeing or disagreeing with the athlete’s self-assessment of their body. Redirect toward function and capability: “Your body got you through that race. What did it let you do today?”
What the Research Shows About Protective Factors
The family environment is one of the strongest protective factors against eating disorder development in adolescents, and specifically: families that eat meals together regularly, where parents model comfortable, unrestricted eating, where food is not a topic of moral commentary, and where children’s body weight and eating are not subjects of parental monitoring or comment — these families produce adolescents with significantly lower rates of disordered eating, regardless of other risk factors.
None of this requires perfection. It requires awareness of what the conversation around food is communicating, and a willingness to shift that conversation toward what supports a young athlete’s performance and long-term health rather than what inadvertently undermines it.
If you’re not sure where you or your athlete stand, a sports dietitian who works with youth athletes can provide both a nutritional assessment of the athlete’s fueling and a conversation with the parent about how to best support it from home. Working with a sports dietitian during the high school years is one of the most protective things an athletic family can do — not just for performance but for the relationship with food the athlete carries into adulthood.
FAQ
What should I not say to my teen athlete about food?
Avoid commenting on their body weight or body composition, praising restriction or restraint around food, comparing them to teammates, linking food to exercise in a punitive direction, or sharing your own complicated relationship with food. Any comment that communicates food must be earned, the athlete’s body is a problem, or eating well means eating less is worth reconsidering.
How do I know if my high school athlete has a problem with food?
Signs to take seriously include significant weight loss during a training season, skipping meals or avoiding eating around others, significant anxiety or rigidity around food, excessive food preoccupation, loss of menstrual cycle in female athletes, low energy or declining performance despite consistent training, and recurring injuries particularly stress fractures. If you’re seeing multiple of these, consult a sports dietitian and a therapist with eating disorder experience rather than waiting to see if it resolves.
How much should a high school athlete eat?
More than you might expect. High school athletes in serious training, particularly endurance athletes, need significantly more food than non-athlete peers — and their appetite, while large, may actually underestimate their needs during heavy training. The more useful question than a quantity target is whether the athlete has consistent energy, is recovering between sessions, and is maintaining a stable weight appropriate for their frame.
What if my athlete’s coach is commenting on their weight?
This warrants a direct conversation with the coach, and if it continues or the comments are severe, with the athletic director or school administration. Coaches are not qualified to provide dietary or weight management guidance, and comments about a young athlete’s body are a known risk factor for disordered eating. It is not part of the sport and it is not appropriate.
Does Fuel NC work with high school athletes and their families?
Yes — youth athlete nutrition including work with parents is part of what we do. We see the athlete directly and can work with parents on how to best support fueling from home. Reach us at fuelnc.com or 919-819-4052.